i just cant seem to get it together

So i really think that I'm going through a midlife crisis, or something.  I feel like i cant seem to get it together, or keep it together for some reason. 
Adams on vacation today well actually all week, and i stayed here to work trying to be a responsible adult.  I started a job at smart style, and stopped booth rental.  Let me first start off by saying i DONT enjoy change at all, and even though adam may get mad at me, hes kinda the pressuring type to do better, and make more money and try hourly and so on.  I dont think he means to be that way but well he is lol.  And i do understand that to a certain degree.  But i think im a different type of person, yes money is helpful but its not everything.   I just want to love what i do, and i didnt realize how much i LOVED booth rent, making my own hours, using my own products, giving my undivided time to my customers, not try to get them out because people are lining up.  I think smart style seem like a good place to work, but after 8 yrs off booth rent thats just to big of a change for me to make.  I am just going to have to find a busyer salon and push myself even further, because i LOVE what i do, i love being able to do makeovers, and giving discounts for referrals.  I guess i just love running my "own" business.  I may not make enough right now to make it count alot, but i just know in the long run i will.  Im just not ready to give up yet.  I am just so passionate about what i do.   I dont want to get myself in a big mess, and thats what i feel like i have done by trying to please adam because he is my husband, and i dont want to put us in a worse situation.  I think thats the risk you take when you marry  a hairdresser, kinda like a musician, you just never know what tomorrow will bring.   
Today when i got in my car and left i just lost it, because i felt like i was going to be in "trouble"  i hate that feeling, i felt lost.  I feel like i have lost my intuition by trying to please everybody around me, getting pulled in a million directions. My head tells me one thing and my gut tells me another,  this time i went with my gut.   Im going to take a few days and find somewhere thats a good fit for me, that i can make money to keep the hubby from griping but in the mean time still feel creative.  So thats the plan, im sorry if i left anyone hanging :( that was never my intent.  So keep me in your prayers that i will find the right place.