The Damage has been done...

I had my dreaded dr appt today.   Surprise surprise i have diabetes.   At least i had a week to prepare myself for it.  I was proud that i didnt just break down and cry in the dr office.  I feel like i handled it very well.  Besides i prefer crying alone,lol im not a pretty cryer.    Im just trying to get informed as i can to handle this.  Im going to a diebtes class in a few months, the dr sent me home with paper work and meds -janumet that i have to take twice a day.  

I knew it was coming,  it was almost like something in my life had to give for me to take stuff serious.  Now i have no choice.  I asked her if i lose weight will i still have diabetes, im confused how that works?   So my dr explained that once your blood sugar goes out of whack in the 300s that the damage to the pancreas and insulin has already been done.  She said that by diet and exercise and meds that it will go down to manageable but you still have diabetes because the damage has already been done.

So i looks  like i have taken my health for granted a little to long, by just barely getting by.    I really dont feel as bad as i thought i was going to, or  maybe im just waiting for that second rounds of emotions to come and engulf me.  I guess im just "there" right now.   Im sure ill have good days and bad days, today doesnt feel like either right now.  Maybe im just numb or maybe i really do have a handle on all of it, i guess only time will tell. 

I was never any good at control,  so now its kinda weird because thats what my lfe is going to be all about.  Controlling my health.  Im on a pretty strick diet right now, and i have to exercise daily for my bs.   Diabetes brings alot of bad things and makes you prone to all kindas of crap,  But im hoping that it will bring out the good things in me, like strengh i didnt know i had, along with will power.  Also the realization that i do have some control over what goes in to my body.  My weight loss is at 17 lbs,  i hope to have atleast lost that much more by Christmas,  but since i cant eat anything good, it may be by Halloween,lol.  

So anyways thats my blog today, i cant predict how i feel in the future ones, jurys still out.