Overwhelmed

Today has been hard...
This week has been hard...
I wonder can i do this for the rest of my life?

I guess i just have to take one day at a time because if i dont it overwhelms me, to the point where i feel like im going to have a panic attack.  Panic attack over food? maybe i am addicted.  Or maybe its just because i know my life will never be the same?  But look where same has gotten me, overweight with blood pressure and blood sugar problems.  Its holding me back from everything i want to accomplish.  
I dont know if the problem i have is with food or is it with myself?
I feel like im going through alot right now, and well im not really happy.  I dont feel really sad either.  I just feel weird.  Weird is the best way to describe it.  I feel like im stuck on a mariago round, and that im slowly slipping off, and it just keeps going faster and faster, to the point where i can hold on any longer.  Im not really a stressful person but i have alot on my mind at work situations that are not under my control, and it just breaks my heart that i cant just make it all go away, but i know with prayers that it will work out, but sometimes it just weighs heavy on your mind.
Today i had some chocolate.  It was so good.  I dont know why i did it.  I dont know if it was the stress getting to me, or the fact i knew i couldnt have it.  I felt so guilty, all i could think about is i dont want to go blind.  The drs have me so scared, with all the info that i feel like my head is going to explode.  I do okay at meals, i have been living off of salad, lean meat and veggies.  Its just when that sugar urge hits me its hard to ignore, but i got to learn. 
I feel like thier is something wrong with me?  That this shouldnt be so hard.
Life style changes suck,  i didnt even get a last dinner before they took away all my carbs, a goodbye would have been nice.  Maybe one last enchilada dinner with beans and rice with a big dr pepper to wash it down.  i guess a girl can dream,lol